Probs shouldn't have gone, felt pretty shite. Finally getting better now, been off work for over a week. Phoned the doc the other day, looks like it was probs swine flu, leading to a secondary chest infection. Always end up with bloody chest infections when I get colds/flu. Thought a few hours sitting around drinking lemonade wouldn't do much harm, felt crap when I got in though. Got antibiotics for the chest infection (oxytetracycline), which seem to be clearing it up quite effectively.
Here're the poems I put together, with the help of people in the audience:
on a soft seat
by a table, she sat
a pause between running
happiness in the calm before tomorrow
he heaves, his arms sweat
the oars plunge deep into choppy wet
a child waves from the shore
joy and innocence soon his no more
small paws pad over last night's broken glass
away from belly resonance
the mouse senses sorrow
a moment which passed, a potential not realised
skillful fingers make cuts on hot wax
she scratches when mixing between tracks
head gets hazy
warm instincts overcome melancholic thoughts
the monkey pounces
his friend pees in fear
sharp teeth cut into flesh
blood splashes like waves breaking on a sea shore
she tip toes to the toilet
must not wake the child
lavender in the vase reminds her of her mum
the night ends
she stands
in wait, to collect
the old red cardigan he nanna made her
anxious not to lose
evidence of her warm essence
it clinks into her cup
small penny thrust in aid
her elation, now happy
she walks to the shop for a cup of tea
withered and matchstick thin
he works the weights in desparation
bitter at nature for the frame he was given
her anger rises as the boat sways
beneath in warm water, a lilo rides the waves
she leaps, diving down with fingers first
her neck crunches on splashy impact
soft wet soothes
Bit better than last time's efforts!
doph
:o)
Labels: doph, folklore hurricane, poetry, shoreditch, strong rooms, swine flu
¶ 9:03 AM 0 comments
spontaneous poetry...number1:
in mau mau, drinking
how how? thinking
a sight of fresh faces - lust
number 2:
the star in heat
reveals their bitter core
grasping at the silent darkness
number 3:
the wise man grabbed the knife
as his enemy sat, drinking
he touched his weapon, handle of velvet
the hunger - suffocated
not the right moment
number 4:
behind a screen of smoked glass,
his veiny dome throbbing
standing still in wait
for the approach of flesh-coloured fun
number 5:
her intuition is the praise the puntina
to bounce like a rude boy's cortina
within walls like a conical flask
the bar contains her reaction
and a cheeky haiku done by just me:
the pool cue points
her curves and brain aim
a missed shot, and again
doph
:o)
Labels: folklore hurricane
¶ 10:39 PM 0 comments
First time reading out poetry on Tuesday :o) Went to the 'poetry unplugged' evening at the Poetry cafe, near covent garden. Read out beers and sports, was quite well received and even got a few laughs. Think the thumping in my chest has just about calmed though, was nervous as fuck stood by the mic reading it out. Not got a huge amount of experience at public speaking, really bloody helps having it all written down in front of you though :p
After going to the Stratford theatre bar to watch the odd bit of poetry when I was living over the other side of town and not quite having the courage to put my name forward to read one, it's been a long time coming. Think I first said to myself that I'd like to try reading poetry out over 5/6 years ago, back when I was temping in Swansea. Was sat by a Canadian chap called Mike who read out an interesting one about a dark haired woman passing him whilst he lay in a field in portugal. Quite vivid pictures. Might check out the Bristish Haiku society, which he mentioned.
Been getting on well with SOP and form writing at work this week, feels good to be getting into a decent rhythm in the project. Hopefully it'll continue to go well past the point when the inspectors come in to check out the facility in july.
The cycling to n from work is going well for the most part. Only managed 3/5 days last week, which isn't all that bad, on for 4/4 this week though. For a while the ride in was seeming to get a little quicker, though I suspect it's slowed a little the last week or so. Need a little more sleep, methinks. Speaking of which, do I watch an episode of battestar gallactica or go to bed sharpish? Hmmm. The first one of the miniseries was an hour and a bloody half, don't think I should be up past half 12. Again.
Either way, I've run out of vaguely interesting things to say.
Night
doph
:o) ¶ 9:47 PM 0 comments
Though I suspect things might slow down for a little bit! After recent trips to the US and Hong Kong, need to keep my head down a little for the next few months. Or at least in terms of money.
Finally sent my latest open uni assignment off today. Hope these bloggings aren't getting too samey, please feel free to email me feedback if that's the case! I've found the few days after completing and posting tma's quite calming over these courses, even though I know I can't afford to pause my studies for long, never that far from the next deadline!
Really needed those travels, joining current job meant I wasn't allowed to take leave for the first three months, probs the longest I've been for a looong time without a day off. Was starting to really knacker me, getting a little bit too much on a plateau of ticking over and feeling a little unenthused and reactive. Since seeing seth in the us, and rowan in hong kong, and remembering how a load of hard graft and proactively looking at things is what I need right now. Including this sort of thing, I feel re-invigorated and ready to do more creative things in spare time. Seems odd to be so busy doing things, living life when away but only plodding along when at home. Only so many leave days in the year, why wait for them to do something interesting?
Just need to be a little more careful with moneys for a while.
Not so moaney about being single with half empty bed at the moment, though it is a little frustrating in obvious ways. Realised the other day how full of shit it is to be regularly reading Hagakure - book of the samurai, reading about dashing headlong and sod the consequences, but allowing lazy timidity to overcome me when on a night out. Pretending to myself that I'm being laid back and non-desparate when really it's a matter of fearing rejection, hoping some woman is gonna make it easy for me.
Pretty good bank holiday weekend, bbq round mine on friday, then went out to brighton by car on sat evening after watching twickenham sevens during the day. Arms legs n face are still a tad crispy n burnt from sleeping on brighton beach on sunday. Started watching battlestar galactica today, a fact that my brothers will be most happy to hear! Been badgered by seth for quite some time to get watching them, that n curb your enthusiasm (speaking of which, I watched the 'christ nail' episode on the plane, think it was either on the way back from boston or the way to hong kong - haha that sounds a bit dickish n showing off, so be it). Found it to be pretty good, watched it with the laptop hooked up to the telly n hi fi. Made congee, or at least tried to, whilst watching it and other stuff, sat on the sofa. Turned out ok, bit bland but was nice with a touch of sweet chili n five spice.
Definately bed time now, rest needed for a busy week writing SOP's at work and hopefully other writing related stuff of an evening. Looks like I might be trying a short dj set at a folklore hurricane night at mau mau, portabello road on the 3rd June. Also, b3ta.com London bash is next weekend, will be good times :o)
doph
:o)
Went to a free comedy club last night, think it was on 26th street. Which avenue? Can't remember. One toward the left, on the blue line (have allowed seth to pretty much do all the leading, it's easier that way).
Ticked most of the boxes for places to visit here in on manhattan, went up top of the rock instead of the empire state though. Didn't fancy spending hours queueing for pretty much the same view. Weather's been pretty good so far, got a bit of rare colour in my cheeks now. Toward the end of the afternoon yesterday went to the batterires at the bottom of the island, got a nice view of the statue of lioberty from there. Lots n lots of orthodox jewish people out for a nice time in the sun, think a jewish museum's just around the corner from there. Have yet to find myself talkng to anyone who's orthodox jewish, an experience that's yet to present itself to me.
Noticed when getting the metro into town from jfk on sat just how segragated ny is. The L train through brooklyn was almost totally full of black people, then when i got off in manhattan at 1st ave, almost everyone was white. Also the difference between a few blocks down an the start of harlem from above central park. Just not the same in london, for the most part it's a complete mish mash. Be interesting to look at the history of the various peoples settling into their neighborhoods at some point. Spose the space is a big factor, in london things are tiny compared to here, groups of people not living in particular areas so much. Spose the likes of southall green street n brixton are examples of a particular type of people settling into the same general area.
pfft.
Time to give the phone a little juice upstairs, this's killing the battery a little.
Laters
doph
:o) ¶ 4:37 PM 0 comments
Half filled by me
Small comfort I offer it
Does not quench thirst
sense of lack
Just me on my back
Or side, lain foetal
Dribbling warm spittle
Patience, in a while
Find and hold one who makes me smile ¶ 11:52 PM 0 comments
in the prince of wales, by cardiff central station.
got a lift from jonny to the station, the next train's not for about 45 mins so thought i'd nip into town for some food while i wait.
brilliant day yesterday, not been in cardiff for many, if any, 6 nations match days. or at least, not as an adult. always love the buzz of the place, cardiff has never offered me a bad night out over time.
big match days generally tend to be fun, chatting to randoms and friends of friends, friends of family etc.
also nice that the weather's been so good, beautiful sunny days both today and yesterday. proper spring time, the intensity of the sun but with the nip of northerly winds in the shade.
got the train into cardiff yesterday lunchtime from swansea, met up with seths mate harry n his dad n mates. tagged along with those lot shortly after rocking into the capital, once i'd found out from james where the plan was starting i headed off to the queens vaults.
nice start to the day, standing in the south wales sun chatting to a random irish chap outside the vaults whist i waited for the others.
was quite ignorant of the history of croke park until the friendly irish chap explained the story of tanks killing people there in 1916 or thenabouts. bloody hell! he was saying how when they played england there, last year i think, it was proper emotional for the whole of ireland. after winning, singing the national anthem in pubs across the country brought tears to every eyes.
lu met up with us for a bit yesterday afternoon, nice to see her for a few hours before she got the train to swansea.
which is where i am by now. had some food in the prince of wales, now heading to swansea (s-town).
after having a few in the sunshine outside the vaults, we walked over the river to a bar/hostel called nos da, just across from the stadium. watched the match there, bloody hell that was close! shame it didn't end with us that little bit in front, though don't think we really deserved to win the game. been some scrappy performances by wales this year, not the pretty rugby that we like to watch.
jonny n others had tickets, so they went in to watch the match whilst we kept drinking in nos da. met up with them after the match, and headed to the happy gathering for some tasty chinese in canton. just under 20 a head, not bad for dinner and a few rounds of tsing tao. the food was really good, though my drunken tastebuds couldn't be trusted for a truly objective perspective.
wrote this just after the match, texted it to a few people at the time:
ah fuck.
losing to ireland, never bad
4th behind england n french makes us sad
now, next pint
dissolution of pressure and points
so be it, not our year
maybs next time, no fear
then found myself in pretensious mode for a while, talking in poetry. basically talking like a weirdo trying to sound profound.
went to some late drinking place that looked like a primary school hall, then back to a mate of jams lot's place, some playing smash bros on wii whilst waiting for the taxi man.
then out to by cardiff gate, cup of tea and bed.
Labels: cardiff 6 nations, wales ireland
¶ 10:38 PM 0 comments
Then we headed to Fabric over near Farringdon, not been there before either. Not sure I've been to that kind of proper club night before, with big name dj's n that. Turned up there around 3am, then left around half 6 after a long long time of silly dancing to drum n bass, along with whatever good tunes they put on. Massive place, also seemingly full of pretty people. Quite a different vibe from the clubs I've been to in the past, people mostly well into their clubbing and dancing. Spose I did go to creation once or twice in Bristol, similar sort of place really.
Yesterday was sonny's leaving do from amersham. After having many drinks in the Allsop arms by marylebone, and watching the wales italy match, we spent most of the rest of the evening in G Casino, Leicester Square. I managed to restrain myself, only using £30 of chips on the roulette tables, being mindful of having spent quite a lot the night/morning before. Could have got something back, but felt like keeping playing for a while. Always a daft mistake, though with that kind of low stake it's not all that unreasonable to pay to play. Sat didn't end up being quite as long a night as Fri, a few people crashed in the living room so as to not rush back on the last train from Marylebone. Always glad to help! Was considering banging out some bacon n eggs on toast for them, though by the time I'd got home from a run with James M early afternoon they'd understandably gone home. More for me through the week! :o)
Played a bit of tibs wars (command n conquer 3: tiberium wars) with jam n seth this afternoon, we pretty much ruined the computer each time, despite the difficulty being set to very high. Always nice. Classic tactic, blowing the bridges to hold their forces off whilst we gather for a mahusive attack.
Went to the end of a poetry reading just now, over in kentish town, Torriano meeting house. Quite good, shame I turned up so late though. Was hoping to read something out, next time I'll be a little more punctual. A particularly amusing one was about ducks crossing a busy A road, caused me to have a smile and a quiet chuckle.
And so to bed, need to hang out my uniform ready for work tomoz, then sleepy time. Didn't manage to do any chemistry work this weekend, this week is when I'll nail the majority of my TMA for the ou course.
Night
doph
:o)
Been looking to sell my golf for a while, got very little joy in the second hand ads using gumtree and the autotrader website. Just on polish (I assume he was polish) chap, who tried to be cheeky and get me to sell it for £2800. Was originally looking for 4 grand!
Him and his mate had a thorough look at the car, then asked how much I wanted for it. I said I was hoping for 4000, but realistically 3500. He said 'for this car, i can pay no more than 3000'. I said fine, was willing to accept a little less just to get the bloody cash, so that I can pay back parents for short term loans. Also the ever-present looming credit card expediture. He went off home to get the moneys, apparently not far away over the other side of chiswick. Then texted me about half an hour later saying he only has 2800, the cheeky get! I'd borrowed housemate matt for a little moral support, we were sat about watching csi whilst waiting. I took his advice and replied to the polish chap good luck car hunting, 3 grand is the lowest I could go.
I've since put the car into a local garage, such that they'll sell it for me and take their cut. Bit odd, I signed to say I'd take 3000 and they'll get what they can for it, with the waiting and hassle I now think it may have been ok to take the private sale instead. Odd handing over my car with only a slightly crappy contract, waiting to see how long it'll take. Hmm.
The point of saying about the car stuff is that I didn't want to get a parking permit for the new place, was hoping to sell the car well before now. So whilst I had it, I had to drive in to avoid paying for the permit. So now the car's sort of off the road, I can finally think about riding in with my reassuringly less shiny bike. As expected, had a bit of saddle soreness on friday in particular. Not as bad as others seem to get it, but sore nonetheless. One of those sorenesses that doesn't really effect getting on with one's day, just every so often when I tensed particular muscles in my, er, seat (not really arse or crotch, think it's called the perineum), it was rather tender!
Been a bit up n down over the last few weeks, last week in particular, wednesday even more in particular. Think that what's now almost 2 months since splitting up with kay and a long time of longing after another started to catch up with me. Was doing the micro at work (microbiological monitoring, setting settle plates and using contact plates n swabs to check the clean rooms for various bugs), listening to some tunes using my phone. The solitary nature of the work, being the only ones in the clean rooms, gave me a while to ponder stuff and release a little. Particularly in the second gowning rooms, where I had the privacy of no-one being able to see. Had stuff like laura marling, hot chip, ida maria and maximo park playing. Think it was more the ida maria, stella in particular, that set me off. Standing in the change room, waiting for the micro air sampler to finish its 5 minute or so cycle, gowned up with mob cap, non shedding coat, gloves overshoes and face mask as well, blubbing away like I was 10 again. Felt gradually better since then. Thurs was also difficult, this time whilst cleaning the clean rooms. Not as much though, once the pent up emotion's released, I find it much easier to get on with things without getting too soft.
Been blogging quite a lot on my phone recently, though a lot of it's probs too personal to post. Written a few poems about my affections for the other, though not really fair to post them to all and sundry without her seeing them first. Or something. It's helped me, though. As usual, stuff of the heart calmed itself down a lot once I'd written it all down and created something from it. Expect I'll share it sometime in the future, both with the lady it concerns and here on the site.
wrote this late sat/sunday:
stood waiting for a piss
whilst chris takes plenty time with his
shit shower shave
cold breeze cuts like a knife
slight shivers me awaken
spent last night dancing
with all who'd allow it
had great times, brilliant
was hoping for more
with some dirty whore
didn't happen, so be it
when the time comes i'll take it
by now it's been a while
should have got her bastard number, fail makes me smile
swirling and twisting
across the dancefloor we filled it
like tigers on patrol
round the perimeter, patrolling
eyes out for fresh meat or threat
What the fuck does that relate to?
Went to a reunion of the bristol (uni) lot at the weekend, in leighton buzzard. Friday was chilled out, went for fish n chips and had a few drinks at chris's (he was kind enough to host us for the weekend). Watched wayne's world for the first time in bloody years, on VHS as well. One of those films in which pretty much every single scene and line is ingrained into your mind, but still it never fails to amuse :o)
Saturday night we kind of all chipped in for a few drinks and a sort of buffet. Brought some chicken thigh fillets and a fajita kit, which went down well (how can it not? fajitas always win!). So by the time we set off for our pub crawl, we'd already loosened up a little. Headed into the middle of leighton buzzard, played some darts and pool in one of the pubs along the way. Ended up in the Wheatsheaf (classic country/market town pub name :o)), where there was a live folkesy band playing. Can't remember their name, not that it's all that important. The sort of band you might hear at a ceildhi, drums guitars and a chap on the fiddle.
So by the time we were settled in there, we'd had many several to drink. Inspired by faded memories of teenage celdhis organised by friends of mum n cliff, I had quite the best time doing impromptu jigs and spinning around (though i'm hesitant to call it this, i think it's a do si do or something of that noise). Got chris involved with relative ease, he's normally up for whatever. Great times. With my now-single eyes I spotted soon after getting into the main room a girl dancing up on a bench with her mates with longish dark hair and slightly tomboy-ish clothes on (jeans and a stripey top thing) that looked pretty good. So then did the classic of glancing every so often, seeing if it would be returned. Trying to avoid creeping her out at the same time, the obsessive stalker look doesn't seem to return many smiles :p
Was dancing more toward her direction from the core of our group, hoping to somehow get over daft timidness and get her to join me for a dance. Sort of bottled it, she did seem to be surrounded by her mates. Far too timid, never mind. After a bit I saw she was at the bar, thought fuck it might as well try something. Gently tapped her side (again, not being creepy, or at least i didn't think so!) and asked her if she wanted me to get them (as in drinks). She said no, I laughed at my fail, and shared a smile with her before heading back to the group. Since the night, or at least the jig part of the night, was drawing to a close, soon after was when I had crazy energy whilst dancing. Blatantly some sort of weird way of getting her attention. Never mind! Then at the end once the band had finished and we moved through to the other part of the pub, I went over and shook her hand, gave her a smile which was pleasantly returned, nodded then fucked off with a laugh. Oh my word I am odd sometimes.
As if all that looniness wasn't enough, after closing time we headed to The Office, some sort of late bar local dive place, though it was reasonably well kept. After getting settled in there and it started getting a little busy, we headed to the dancefloor. A couple of us were dancing in the usual daft way, particularly me n gabriel. Saw there was a pair of good looking women on the upper dance floor, with molly's encouragement, pointing out these were people who'd probs never seen anywhere more exciting than milton keynes, I went over and a had a little close dance with one of them. Very briefly, probs less than a minute! Again, never mind :p Sensing impending fail, I moved away though I expect they moved first, me sensing the impending fail and regrouping ready for next time. Think something clicked in me then, once we were loonying around on that part of the dancefloor I was dancing all over any half-decent woman who would allow it. Not that I allowed them a lot of choice, dancing on and all over someone isn't quite the same as dancing with them.
After we'd left that place we were kind of milling around outside, and we noticed some attractive looking women I'd spotted earlier in the night whilst we were at the cashpoint. Went up to one of them and said hello, that i'd seen her and her lot earlier at the cashpoint and thought she looked pretty. Then that she did indeed look pretty at that point. Bit rubs n pathetic, haven't really chatted a woman up since I was 18! Proper fidelity, man. She smiled and said 'aww' or something, which was better than a slapped face so I pushed a little further and asked if she minded if I kissed her on the neck. Funnily enough, she gave a slightly puzzled look. Said she didn't know, spose it's odd to formally ask for a kiss in the first place, let alone somewhere specific like a neck. I said 'bit rude?' and she responded with 'yeh, kinda' with a puzzled smile on her face. I changed tack and asked to kiss her on the cheek, she agreed since that's a lot less, well, odd than the neck. At least to a strange drunken welshman. Being cheeky, after giving her a nice peck on the cheek I carefully went to move her hair to one side and kiss her neck, pushing my luck a little, well a lot. She backed off a little then randomly ran off and turned down one of a few alleys from the main road. This left our lot and her also attractive friends standing around looking a little bemused. I gingerly walked off to see where she'd got to, couldn't see her down either of the obvious side roads and didn't get any answer from calling her name. After standing around for a few moments, she returned. When I asked if I'd scared her off she said no, which was pretty cool. Their lift had arrived whilst she'd gone off, so they got into their car and we got into our taxi back to chris's. Odd but happy way to end an equally odd but happy night.
Was annoyed at myself afterwards, not very, just a lesson to be learnt. Number one, should have at least asked for her number. Secondly, if she's hesitant to allow my odd request for kissing on the neck, and allowed a kiss on the cheek, try for a cheeky one on the chops. Daft/naive/odd git that I am.
Wrote this about it:
hello you katy
glad you met me
i told you i found you pretty
glad you smiled happily
met in leighton buzzard
should have got your number
i kissed you on the cheek
denied of the neck
too rude, too much
desperate for sex and such
why didn't i go for lips?
better to have held your hips
gone for a smooch, a snog
along with a simple hug
heppy night of dance
if only you'd have joined me prance
around like a looney
your number was greeney
and nice
i kissed your face
that is all
with friends of bristol
emptied head of the one
the one whom
i could be with
possibly, i ponder it
That's all for now, time for a cheese toasty with some salad.
Cheers
doph
:o)
On my way back from last day at Amersham. feeling a bit sad, feels a bit like when i left Bristol.
Except then it was more of a negative move, what with dropping out of uni. this time i'm only moving job. but being a bit softy i can't help but feel a little down to think i'll hardly see people ever again that i've been around day in, day out for the last 3 years.
Yesterday and today i've felt an almost nervous panic about leaving. as if things are being left unfinished. so i've been leaving cuttings from hagakure (book of the samurai) around the lab, along with small pieces of gaffer tape with smilies on them. sort of needing to leave a legacy or something?
Been going round site saying bye to a few people today, spose if i'm honest it's little more than attention seeking! bit like a birthday, everone wishing you good will and being friendly (for the most part).
Although, be nice to see various people from site next friday for my leaving do. probs won't be a huge turnout, not a problem though. only had one person make the effort when i left my last job! hmm.
Starting to feel more at peace this afternoon, partly from a swift half at lunch :p
also felt calmer after doing a html page with handy work numbers on it, then saving it to the shared drive. pretty much just me showing off, most of them are either easily found or on the phone list on the wall in the lab. most were numbers i'd scribblled in my lab coat diary for easy reference, think some of them were wrong now i think of it :p
Feels good to have left on good terms, to paraphrase dan le sac vs scroobius pip :
In this life you can be either smart orpleasant,
the rewards of being pleasant are far more incandescant.(written on my phone on the train back from work a few hours ago)
doph:o)
